perspective

Occasionally, life mirrors that scene in Dumb and Dumber where Lloyd gets on the wrong freeway and starts heading back in the direction he came from instead of getting to Aspen. Sometimes you think you're going somewhere, and then like a bolt of lightning, reality hits and you realize you're a thousand miles in the wrong direction.

So let's talk about boys for a minute.

I suppose I should give a bit of the back story so you know what in the hell I am talking about rather than you, the reader, becoming frustrated at the vagueness of my blog post.

J was a man that I met on a cheesy dating website, with no high hopes of ever meeting anyone off there. Something about him really tore away at me, sufficiently chipping away at the iceberg of my heart. We constructed long messages to each other, each one as warming and exciting as the one before it, and before long we were in each other's arms. We started to hang out last year, and we were both fairly convinced that something between us would come to fruition, given our mutual attraction to each other and longing to be around each other every hour of every day that we possibly could. We would text all day long, with sweet words and obvious desires.

Then he had to move. We were only together less than a month and I felt like the floor fell out from below me. We took a drive in my car and stayed up for too many hours, talking about the future and trying to keep our spirits up even though we knew he would be leaving the next day. He promised me he would be back in a few months, and that was enough for me. I could hold out... I had already fallen for him.

So he moves away and we text, but my hopes start to dry up. I visit him a few times, we stay in a hotel, he meets my friends, we still talk about the future and that I could have a place in it, and yet I still had a hunch that things were not what they seemed. He'd promise me his heart and then I wouldn't hear from him. A couple of months later I started seeing someone else, because I was sick of waiting. A few months without any effort from him except a few words to hang on was not enough for me anymore.

As the months passed, the majority of texting between us ceased, with the exception of a few random days here and there where we would tell each other how much we missed each other and how badly we wish we were back in each other's arms. That was enough for me. I knew he had a new life, but just knowing he still felt the same way for me was enough. I figured in time we could be together again.

Well yesterday was different. Yesterday I ended up having a long conversation with someone who J always claimed was his "best girl friend" and that I needn't feel threatened by her because he never had an attraction to her. Turns out J was really good at feeding lots of girls the same lines he fed me, her, and currently the girl that he lives with/sleeps with/mooches from.

His modus operandi was to completely deny that him and I ever had any kind of relationship, that I "tried" to get him to stay with me at a hotel, and that he was not even attracted to me, that we never slept together and shared nothing more than a kiss. Clearly this makes me look like a flaming idiot, because to everyone else I look like a crazy girl who has feelings for someone who wants nothing to do with me, all the while pretending in my head that our relationship is something that it isn't. Well, he is the liar in this case, and I the sane girl who got dicked over for no apparent reason. This is all very unsettling to me and his "best friend." I feel badly for her, considering he has been compulsively lying to her about parts of his life that he should be completely honest about. I was always honest with him about everything, and never expected anything but honesty from him. His best friend also expected honesty and instead received lies, manipulation, and desertion.

Friday was the last time we texted back and forth with each other, with lovey things like how badly we missed each other, how we wanted to be "physical" again with each other, and we even sent pictures... his more revealing than mine.

Why did he lie? Why would someone choose to manipulate someone so ruthlessly and then deny the very existence of a relationship?

This is why I will be single forever, and why I don't trust men. AT ALL.