Wednesday, November 17, 2010

hypnagogic hallucinations have halted heavy hens henceforth


So, I suffer from insanity, at least, that's how it feels when it's three in the morning and I am still rolling around in bed trying to convince myself that I am not dying, only temporarily lapsing into purgatory. Anyway, on with my story.



I have a very common although little talked about ailment called "hypnagogia." Hypnagogia is actually commonly referred to as "night terrors." Mine is different, I rarely get the night terrors (where you are paralyzed in the body and your mind/heart is racing, but you can't move) and they are more leaning towards "hypnagogic hallucinations." These are fucking CRAZAAYYYY. I swear to god, in a past life I must have been hitting the acid, hard.

So, for someone like myself who is dealthy afraid of medication and doing drugs, to have my brain send my vision into seeing a kaleidescope of geometric shapes, large roses, animals, people, lace, spinning and rotating fractals and other things; I would have to say that enjoy it.

What are these like? Well, do you remember those Magic Eye books from elementary school where every other kid was trying to cross their eyes to see the dolphins jumping out of the water only to figure out that they were doing it completely wrong? Well, if you were the 1% of the population who was "doing it right" like me, you would already have a pretty good idea of what these hallucinations are like. These hallucinations omit color; they are like seeing large transparent objects that you can make the figure out by the way the light bends around the object, like glass. Or sort of like dark matter in the universe!

My favorite memory of one of these hallucinations was when I had just fallen asleep and I was awoken by something, and I looked across my room and there were three or four very large roses rotating in the air. I was startled, but also deeply calmed by this (for reasons unknown) so I stared and watched them for a few seconds before they dissipated on their own. Sometimes I will be fully aware that what I am seeing is not there, and I think that is when my brain begins to process regular input and the hallucinations go away. Then I lie there, completely calm, in utter fascination at the workings of our brain.

Sometimes this is my favorite part of falling asleep.

1 comment: